Due to the terms of the settlement, I'm not allowed to display the full content of this image. But I think we all remember what happened on JC's 29th birthday. What a night, eh buddy?

Here's hoping #30 is a touch more 'chill.'

Love,

Kurt

P.S. I'm still not allowed in Tijuana on account of you.

If JC were the NFL MVP Award...

He would be with Peyton Manning right now.  

I hope you wake up on your birthday with the Colts having advanced to the divisional round of the playoffs.  And here's a little eye candy for you:

JC is the type of guy who brings ground beef to the superbowl party you're going to throw, at which you plan to serve your guests delicious chili

Unfortunately, this isn't a hypothetical scenario. I was throwing a Superbowl party in New Haven, CT, in February of 2006, and I was hoping that it would be awesome and all my guests would love my kickass delicious chili. In an incredible feat of poor planning, I waited until the afternoon of the Superbowl party to purchase all of my supplies. When I got to the Shaw's meat section, I could find no ground beef. I couldn't even find ground turkey, chicken, or monkfish, for that matter. All that was left in the wasteland of the meat section was pigs' feet.

Dejected, I returned to my house to prepare to greet my guests, who would be arriving shortly. All the life was sapped from my party before it even started; my guests didn't know it yet, but there would be no chili for them. JC showed up among the first (of course) and, upon hearing of the dire situation, he drove to Hamden and found ground beef. He made the round trip journey in something like eight minutes, too. He got back to my house long before the other guests, delivered the beef, and saved the day. By the 2nd quarter, there was ample and steamy chili for all, and only because JC is a better clutch performer than David Ortiz.

Our Friend JC

If JC was a good friend of ours: (it doesn't have to always be a joke, Jordy Pants...jeez ;) )

He'd be a solid to extra solid dude of Greek ancestry.

He'd be tall, well kind of tall...and he'd have hair.

He'd be so nice that if he accidentally broke your blender top while making Thanksgiving dinner, he'd keep offering to replace it for about a year even though you told him it was no big deal and not to worry about it when it happened.

He'd also have made the same Thanksgiving tons of fun with his wit and generous spirit.

Happy 30th JC :)

HOW JC IS LIKE A JERK WHO TAKES YOUR MONEY IN POKER

1. He likes to play poker.

2. He is a jerk.

3. He takes your money when you play him in poker.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIG GUY!!!!

If JC were a pro football team in the 17th week of the NFL season, he'd be the New England Patriots.  Aside from the obvious similarities - the class, the raw talent, the ability to engineer great comebacks, and the recent history of kicking ass - he's mostly just  a team you can't help but root for.  He also looks great in tights.

 

-David

If JC Were a Constellation

If JC were a constellation, he would be Orion. Unlike the mythical hunter, JC searches for his prey in the halls of the complex, the vaults of the temple, and the underground rooms of the bunker. JC is equally comfortable weilding rocketlaunchers and sniper rifles as he is awkwardly slapping his opponents.

Runner up: labia majora